I’m off this week, so right here’s an older publish from the archives. This was initially printed in 2019.
A reader writes:
My coworker, Lenora, is the oldest individual in our workplace. She is usually pleasant, cheerful, and a tough employee. Nonetheless, regardless of her genuinely candy nature, she is about to drive us all up the wall. Briefly, she desires us to be glad all the time, and he or she has made it her private mission to make this occur.
She is continually haranguing myself and all the opposite admin to smile, be extra cheerful, and so forth. Conversations along with her typically go like this:
Lenora: How are you as we speak?
Me: Oh I’m simply nice, thanks for asking.
Lenora: Simply nice?! Certainly you’re WONDERFUL, proper? In spite of everything, we’re right here and wholesome and we have now good jobs, so what’s there to mope about?
Me: *awkward chuckle*There are different issues as properly. When Lenora walks into conferences, she broadcasts herself with, “Okay, now everybody flip these frowns the wrong way up!”
She is continually pushing us to make use of “extra optimistic” language. For instance, if we don’t achieve this properly on a challenge and the shopper isn’t glad, we re-do the work. That’s regular for us. Nonetheless, Lenora will inform everybody that we did GREAT on the challenge and it simply wasn’t what the shopper wished, however that’s not our fault! There’s definitely nothing mistaken with encouraging folks and being optimistic, however we should be trustworthy about our shortcomings so we are able to know the place we have to enhance.
She’ll additionally go as much as folks within the workplace and asks them why they’re not smiling. Then, once they say one thing like they had been simply pondering, she replies that it’s a phenomenal day and there’s no motive to frown!
I might go on and on, however hopefully you get the concept. We’re not all a bunch of mopey curmudgeons right here. It is a pleasant, relaxed workplace and everybody does a great job. However we don’t sit right here with smiles plastered on our faces 24 hours a day.
I additionally assume Lenora’s feedback can come off as very hurtful. We don’t know what’s occurring in folks’s private lives, and pushing them to behave extraordinarily optimistic and glad will be detrimental to their psychological and emotional well being. I do know I’ve suffered from despair up to now, and I couldn’t stand it if I had been going by that proper now and dealing with Lenora.
The factor is, we’re all managed below one director of our division, and Lenora and the director are BFFs. I’ve labored right here about three years, and I’ve by no means seen the director correctly handle Lenora or scold her on something, not even as soon as. The director permits Lenora to do mainly no matter she desires. That’s typically not an issue as a result of Lenora does do her work, but it surely’s simply this compelled positivity that has gotten means uncontrolled.
I’ve spoken with another coworkers, and they’re burned out with it additionally. We’d actually like to only be left alone to handle our personal feelings. Some days we’re feeling a little bit down for one motive or one other, and that’s okay. It’s a part of life, and nobody will be glad like that on a regular basis (apart from Lenora I assume).
I’m undecided if I ought to attempt to discuss to our director, or if I ought to converse to Lenora straight, or what. However I feel I’d scream if I’ve to endure yet one more week of her reminding me to smile each time she sees me.
Earlier than any screaming ensues, why don’t you and your coworkers strive pushing again on Lenora within the second? For instance:
Lenora: How are you as we speak?
You: I’m nice, thanks for asking.
Lenora: Simply nice?! Certainly you’re WONDERFUL, proper?
You: Wow, that’s a very intense response. I’m nice.
Lenora: We’re right here and wholesome and we have now good jobs, so what’s there to mope about?
You: I’m not moping. I’m nice, and I’d relatively you not attempt to handle my feelings like that.
Lenora: Why aren’t you smiling?
You: I used to be in the midst of serious about a challenge.
Lenora: It’s a phenomenal day and there’s no motive to frown!
You: Please don’t touch upon my face — it’s very distracting after I’m making an attempt to focus.
Lenora: Why aren’t you smiling?
You: You ask me that loads! It’s distracting after I’m making an attempt to focus, and I’d favor you not touch upon my face.
Some choices for when she tells your crew you probably did nice on a challenge that wasn’t what the shopper wished:
* “I feel it will likely be extra helpful to concentrate on why we weren’t aligned with the shopper on what they wished, and the way we are able to keep away from that taking place sooner or later.”
* “I admire you making an attempt to spice up us up, however I don’t assume we want a pep discuss! It’s okay for us to be trustworthy about the place we have to enhance.”
I’d do this for some time relatively than going to your director. That is principally an interpersonal concern, which your director would rightly count on you to attempt to clear up by yourself first. When you do this and it fails … properly, it’s nonetheless most likely principally an interpersonal concern that doesn’t fairly rise to the extent of bringing it to your boss. Lenora has an annoying method, and typically that’s simply the way it goes with coworkers. (The exception to this is able to be if she had been hassling a depressed individual or in any other case doing one thing that took this past Very Annoying. In that case, sure, discuss to your boss.)
Nonetheless, there’s part of this that would fall outdoors of “interpersonal quirk so that you can cope with by yourself” — the half about how she tells everybody they did nice on initiatives that your purchasers need redone. Relying on precisely how that performs out, it’s attainable she’s truly undermining your workplace’s work and the probability of individuals bettering. (For instance, if she tells a junior person who their errors are nothing to fret about and so they did nice on a challenge that must be redone, and that individual believes her and doesn’t put actual effort into studying from their errors and bettering their work — or worse, begins to assume purchasers are unreasonable jerks who make unrealistic calls for — she might do actual harm to that individual’s work and their skilled development.) In order that half is perhaps price elevating to your boss, framed as, “Lenora pushes very onerous for everybody to be glad and really feel good, to the purpose of telling those who work with errors remains to be nice and it’s not their fault for not assembly the shopper’s requirements. I’ve seen a number of interns blow off errors in consequence, and I’m involved her messaging it that means is doing them an actual disservice and inflicting them to not take errors severely.”
However principally, the answer can be pushing again on Lenora within the second. Proper now it feels like your workplace is capitulating to her tyranny of compelled cheer, and there’s no motive the remainder of you possibly can’t say, “No, we don’t like this, please cease.”
